Untitled Carr

by Erin Carr

falling was a good word for it too
a good word for him
because when he would enter that state
it was never a gradual descent
it wasn’t a slow change
from one form of being to another it was quick
hurtful and
sordid.
it would happen at noon
at work
and on the car ride home when he swore he was awake because how could he not be with the music screaming and the car screaming and everyone around him screamingscreamingSCREAMING
(!!!!)
he would not go to sleep
because going implies free will.
no.
he would not go to sleep but
fall asleep,
plummet into the non-light
and wake up somewhere (darker).
i guess when i say it was an easy thing i was mistaken, too.
the man did not find it easy to fall asleep.
he found it hard to stay awake.