Untitled Rempel

by Tess Rempel

Sometimes,
I close my eyes and play pretend
Make believe that
We'd sit down, tie up our loose ends

Or maybe
i pretend that you'd want to sit down with me, because
Maybe we'd reminisce or
Scream at one another, scare the trees
our words becoming stones
that could skip across water

Maybe we wouldn't say anything at all,
but i'll never know

You'll never feel the breeze play with the edges of your shirt
Never watch the sunlight dance on my face or
pretend to enjoy the food
Never glance down at the leaves to feel less out of place or
rattle the chair by tapping your foot
Never check your phone 'just in case' or
quietly ask if it's worth opening the bottle
Never become one with the flowers and the woods and the bays but

When i make believe, i pretend you
Tell me all of the ways i should love myself
even though you couldn't do the same
Tell me all of the ways i should be anyone but you
because a part of who you used to be,
loves me too.

But if we're still playing along, still making believe
how will i refrain from going down that path
If you always walk down one
That never leads
to me?

I will become you,
in all of the ways you didn't want me to

The breeze will become a gust of wind
The sunlight will make a sunburn of my pale skin
The stones will sink
And i won't sit.
I'll lay in the leaves,
I'll breathe in

And wait for someone else
To come along, to
Sit at the table
to right all of your wrongs, to
lean in, grab my hand and say
That i too,
Maybe, one day
will walk down a
less lonely
path.